I have been through a hurricane of events paired with an emotional whirlwind of highs and lows, in the last three to four months. Throughout all of this, the mask that I wore for everyone else to see was: ‘I am a high-achieving woman; working full-time as a doctor and part-time as a dancer and choreographer; going from strength to strength with my all my personal relationships; all the whilst, being a level-headed, balanced person with an epic social life.’ I am not going to deny any of it because, hell yes, it is true! I am quite an extraordinary soul, which I am only fully getting to appreciate about myself now.
Want to hear another side of my truth? Another side of what I have been through in the last few months? Are you ready?
At least twice a week, I was crying myself to sleep for no reason whatsoever. I got into a car accident, which had a significant impact on my physical and mental health – the accident was not my fault by the way! It was a scary ‘hit and run’ with an ongoing police investigation. I was adjusting to new work environments. I had to come to terms with changes in my body after gaining eight kilograms of weight in the last year, all due to poor lifestyle choices. I was (and still am) battling with the worst acne I have had in all my life. All the while, I started a gruelling work rota that I had to balance with back-to-back rehearsals for my wedding dance business, and personal/social commitments with family and friends.
What the world got was a smiley, energetic, happy Praveena. What I saw when I looked into the mirror was a highly burnt-out, stressed girl who just wanted to feel loved and appreciated for all the good work and energy she was trying to put out into the world. In my loved ones’ defence, I was constantly getting the love and appreciation I needed by all those outstanding humans. However, I was so drained that I was not able to truly enjoy that bliss for how pure and genuine it was.
Obviously, I had been and still continue to engage in healing practices. I continue to journal and practice breathing exercises. I continue to ground and centre myself. I have got back into reading books again. I have started doing my favourite hula-hooping again – I underestimated how good it always makes me feel. I have been treating myself to material gifts whenever I can. I have taken even more time to let my hair down and just have crazy amounts of fun with the people I love. I have been giving more to my beautiful family and friends, in the form of my time, effort and physical gifts; this is because of how much they continue to love me despite how neurotic I have been over the last few months. I feel like a weight is slowly being lifted off my shoulders overall.
I have not come back here, after what feels like nearly a year, to gain sympathy or anything by pouring out my struggles, because we all know how unhealthy that it. In fact, I am in such a good place at the moment and I could not be more grateful for where I am standing today. I had decided to get back into writing (as best as I grammatically can!) to share the amount of due diligence it takes to power through all the challenges life presents to us. A large part of how we manage difficulties thrown our way depends on how we react to these challenges, and how much ownership we are willing to take to address the problem and move forward with a positive outlook. The biggest learning lesson for me, in all of this, is this: the hardest part of the struggle is recognising that we are struggling. The moment we have recognised that struggle, we are slowly able to secure the necessary internal and external resources to get through that rough patch.
I am turning 28 in 5 days; I am entering my next year of life with a whole new reflective practice at hand. I am in such a good place right now and I am grateful for this life always.
PS: Who knows if any of the above made sense, but hey ho! It felt good sharing it 🙂